It’s the Snakiralia award night.
It’s a night of glitz and glamour.
All kinds of land and sea snakes have come from all over the world just for this long-awaited occasion.
There are various award categories. Most Slender Snake, Most Colourful Snake, Fastest Moving Snake, etc. These were all well-desired awards but the most coveted award was the Most Venomous Snake Award. The MC arrives at this category and the hall goes huuuussh! “Now, for the Most Venomous Snake (MVS) category… the nominees are. . .” You could hear the heartbeats. The MC continues, “All the way from the plains of Africa, Bbbblaaaacckk Mambaaa..” The audience erupts in a roar. “The second nominee’s Inland Taipan from Austrrrrrraliyaa..” The audience boos.. They snicker, jeer and make catcalls. Mr MC continues “All the way from the forests of India, Nominee number three is..” Before he could finish his announcement, King Cobra’s already slithering up the stage with all the confidence on Mars. The MC clears his throat and continues, “Kiiiiing Cobraaaa.” By now, the audience was in a frenzy, “Ko-bra! Ko-bra! Ko-bra! Ko-bra!” they chanted. With his tremendous lenght, King Cobra felt certain the award was his. (Don’t forget the award we’re dealing with here is “Most Poisonous Snake”, not “Longest Snake.”)
“With our newly invented HeartReader Technology,” announces the MC, “Let’s take a peep at the thoughts running in the minds of the nominees, shall we..”
~Black Mamba feels confident having already won an award tonight (Fastest Moving Snake). He sizes up the other nominees and thinks Inland Taipan stands no chance. King Cobra’s the only threat.
~Inland Taipan feels timid and shy. He feels sure he can’t win the award. Not with these two contestants who outmatch his length.
~King Cobra’s seriously restraining himself. The impulse in him is to just go grab the trophy and start celebrating. He’s already putting words together for the speech he’ll make after he’s announced winner.
MC continues, “..and the winner is.. issss, iiiiisssss… Inlaaaaaand Taipaaaaaaan.”
What??! Inland Taipan’s unassuming personality couldn’t believe it. “What tha.. What the fr..” He fainted out of pure shock. Poor, humble snake. I just love that snake’s meekness. Since he was the winner, the award had to be given to him. He was revived and handed the trophy. Being the humble type, he didn’t even lift the trophy above his head. He just smiled as the confetti came raining down and cameras clicked away. Millions of TV viewers were watching from all over the world. It was his big day. That’s how Inland Taipan clinched the prestigious Most Venomous Snake Award that year and every year after. He became forever relevant in the snake kingdom.
My mum and I were travelling this afternoon. As we passed through a town, we spotted two boys by the roadside holding up for sales a snake and a small animal, perhaps a hare. Both snake and hare were dead of course. The snake was fairly large. My mum remarked, “if that one bites anyone..” (implying a bite would be very dangerous judging by the snake’s size). I answered, “the severity of a bite HAS NOTHING TO DO with the snake’s body size o. In fact the largest of snakes do not even bite. They’ll constrict their prey to kill it before settling down for a meal.” I kept thinking about it, “Those are snakes who live in the gym. The Boas, the Anacondas and their various cousins. Heavily muscular things..”
Straightaway I remembered the Inland Taipan (an ironically shy, easy-going snakey snake from Australia) which won the award in the category MVS – Most Venomous Snake, not for any particular year but for all time. This snake would rather turn away from a confrontation than face it. But whatever animal happens to experience the Taipan’s bite could only say a quick last prayer in a few minutes. The Taipan’s also known as Fierce Snake, a name that contradicts it’s gentle, trouble-unseeking snakinality (personality, lol). The word “fierce” actually applies to it’s venom. The venom injected in a single bite can supply enough death to cover a hundred adult humans.. yea, it’s that poisonous. The point I’m trying to make is this: there’s a huge contrast between the Taipan’s personality and it’s potential lethality.
When I got home, I checked up about the world’s ten most venomous snakes. Surprisingly, not only did any of them not measure beyond two meters roughly, one of them was actually just 40 to 50 centimeters long. Ladies and gents, I introduce the Death Adder, another efficient killing machine. Clearly, “venomousness” in snakes and body size have no correlation. If you didn’t read this you may actually never get to know these facts anytime soon.
[Here’s where we’re actually going]
In the same way, we correlate a lot of things that actually do not necessarily go together, ie..
Money vs Fulfilment
Fame vs Satisfaction
Mansions vs Home
Booze & Drugs vs Joy
Guns vs Personal Security
Lust & Sex vs True Love
Religion vs True Worship
Morality vs Righteousness
Going to Church vs Salvation
You can add to the list.
Gotta go take a shower right now.